Trusting the "Man of Sorrows"

Trust.

The word sounds so easy. Trust someone else to not let you down. Then, naturally, they let you down. They are human and you probably had unrealistic expectations for them. So, if people always let you dow, who CAN you trust? I'm writing not just about trust between friends, between spouses, or even co-workers. I'm writing about trusting Someone with your deepest fears, hopes, dreams, desires, and ugliest thoughts and behaviors. If you're anything like me, you may have struggled with the thought "If that person knew the real me, they wouldn't love me anymore" or any similar version of that phrase. I struggle with that thought constantly in all areas of my life because of the abandonment I experienced early in life. However, God can redeem those thoughts and fears!!!!

Trust.

It's what I've been struggling with the most this month. Trusting God to hear my prayers. To answer my prayers. To work out some uncomfortable, awkward, undesirable situations. To solve my problems. To grant my deepest desires. The good news? God answered with this: "Not yet." God did not solve any of my problems. God did not provide any outlets or answers. God did not allow any promises to be fulfilled.

Just when I was about to despair, my daily devotion led me to Isaiah 53:1-6. This is one Old Testament prophecy of the Messiah who would redeem the Israelites and free them from the old laws and sacrifices to atone for sins. The Messiah would be the final sacrifice - atoning for all sins for all people for all time.

But the verse that struck me, and the theme of the devotion, was Isaiah 53: 4a that states, "Surely he took up our infirmities (sins, transgressions) and carried our sorrows." What this means is that Jesus as the Messiah lived a fully human life, experiencing every temptation and grief that we experience today. He had parents, siblings, friends, and co-workers. He experienced temptations to be disappointed in others, have arguments with others, and experience grief when he lost a friendship or a family member. You name it, Jesus has experienced it as a human. So Isaiah 53:4a tells me that Jesus, fully human and fully God, has known my sorrows. My deepest, darkest, intensely personal sorrows. So, why do I hesitate to give over or lay down my sorrows to Him? Why do I (and maybe you, reader) continue to wrap myself in my sorrows and disappointments instead of letting Jesus carry them for me?

William Paul Young, author of The Shack, phrases it well: The Holy Spirit tells Mack -

"You must give up your right to decide what is good and evil on your own terms. That is a hard pill to swallow- choosing to live only in me. To do that, you must know me enough to trust me and learn to rest in my inherent goodness." (italics added)

Whoa. Mind blown! I don't trust God with some things (my sorrows, my hurts over infertility, my evil thoughts of jealousy and "why is life unfair?"), so that.... that must mean... I don't know God!

It means I don't know God as fully and honestly as I desire to and the way God desires for me to know Him/Her/Them. Armed with the conviction that my lack of trust probably stems from a lack of intimate knowledge of God, I know where to start. I want to get to know this Man of Sorrows as someone who knows my heartache but who is also inherently good and working for my good.

In The Shack, God the Father tells Mack -

"Mack, just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I needed it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."

I thought that was a great reminder that God does not cause the bad things that happen on the earth, but God can certainly redeem the situation (and us) through grace. God is NOT sitting in heaven plotting suffering for us like an evil game master. No. God is present in our hearts and waiting for us to let grace redeem our situations and work good out of the tragedies caused by our own sin and choices and unfortunate earthly circumstances.

My desire is to know this God better so that I may trust Him completely and fully. I'm sure it will take work just as any relationship takes work. But I'm willing to do the work knowing that this God, this Man of Sorrows, has already done the hardest, most important part of the work for me - sacrificing Himself to grant me entrance into His grace and glory!!