Taking a Break

My husband and I have decided to take a break from the baby-making.

This was a hard decision to put on the brakes just as we were making progress towards figuring out what what wrong with my body, but this is the best decision for us.

I was beginning to slide down the slippery slope of depression and anxiety as more and more of my thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and priorities were becoming dangerously obsessed with fertility. I could see how I was letting negative thoughts and attitudes take over my life. I'm sure many of you had had the same thoughts or feelings...

Evil, untrue thoughts like:

I'm not worthy.

How come that girl/woman got a baby and she didn't even WANT one?

How come that person got their miracle and I am still waiting?

It must be my fault.

I am the reason my husband isn't blessed with children. He deserves them.

I failed as a wife because I can't produce off-spring.

I can't fulfill the Proverbs 31 wifely role if I don't have children.

I have no purpose in life if I'm not a mother.

Those thoughts are evil and were taking over my mind, heart and life! I saw myself slipping into being more focused on becoming a mother than just enjoying my role now as a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and an employee in a great field.

So, we are taking a break. I'm seeing a counselor to help me work through my emotions and reframe my thoughts into healthy, more life-giving positive thoughts. My husband and I are going to reclaim our romance and friendship - without calendars, doctor appointments, thermometers, or constant conversation about why, when, how.

If you are in a situation or trapped in these thoughts, please seek help from a counselor. Find an online support group or community. Reclaim yourself, your sexuality, and re-align your goals with your priorities.

And finally, (and I'm mostly talking to myself here), remember God loves you. He is a parent, and he understands our pain as women waiting to be united with our special children and babies. God also loves us a friend, lover, and intimate partner. He hurts when we hurt. Let us turn to him and simply say, "Help me. This is too much to bear alone."

I will still post items or Scripture I find encouraging during our break. We have no time line or goals in mind, but I will be constantly praying for physical and emotional healing, so I have confidence God will teach me during this time.

God bless and may you find peace!