Lessons and Warnings from Sarah and Rachel

If you're a Christian woman, you have heard or read countless sermons on the faith of Sarah and Rachel. These women in the Old Testament can teach us many great lessons. Many teach on the faith of these women as they wait for their blessings of giving birth to a son. But not many sermons are given on the lesson of each woman, who in her zeal to be a mother and earn her husband's respect and affections, allowed her husband to conceive a child with her maidservant. Oh, the drama that follows!!! So yes, learn from Sarah and Rachel's faith and blessing, but also be warned of their folly.

You can find Sarah's story in Genesis16-18:15 and 20-23. Many people give sermons on how faithful Sarah was to wait until she was in her 90s to give birth to Isaac, the son who began to fulfill the promise that Abraham's descendants would be a numerous as the stars in the sky (Genesis 15:5). However, let's not gloss over the fact that before she knew better, in her impatience and distrust of God's promise and clearly laid out plan (Genesis 18:10), Sarah decided to take matters into her own hands. In Genesis 16, we know that Sarah (then Sarai) allowed her husband to conceive a child with Sarah's maid. That caused a whole world of hurt, emotional pain, and marital problems to be sure. Sarah got impatient and tried to rush God's plan. Years later, when God visited Abraham and Sarah in the form of three visitors, Sarah still lacked faith to the point she laughed at the prophecy that she would conceive (Genesis 18).

Points to learn from Sarah:

1) Try to not be so consumed the desire to have a child that you put your marriage at risk.

2) Exclude those who are not needed on your journey to parenthood. The exceptions being your doctors and maybe close friends, prayer partners, or a family member. Not everyone needs to be involved or need to know the details.

3) WAIT. Proverbs 19:2 (NIV) states, "It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way." In your time of waiting, gather knowledge and seek God's wisdom on the path He would have you pursue.


From Rachel, we learn some of the same lessons. I identify a lot with Rachel; I waited years after most of my friends were married to get married. I had to wait until both my husband and I were made ready by God. If we had been married at a young age, it would have been a disaster! However, God knew what he was doing to make us wait. We see the same patience, timing, and great love in the story of Jacob and Rachel (Genesis 29-30). Jacob had to wait 14 years to marry the love of his life!!! However, Jacob and Rachel had to continue to wait to conceive a child.  Here again, we see Rachel allowing her husband to conceive a child with another woman (2 women if you remember that Rachel was Jacob's second wife). Again, drama! I understand that modern women would not necessarily allow their husbands to cheat, but we do have the medical advantage of using surrogacy, egg donation, and adoption.

But here are the points to learn from Rachel:

1) Carefully pray and prepare for the emotions that will accompany surrogacy, egg donation, and adoption. Seek out a counselor to begin to face the emotions that may arise. The emotions are normal, but should not be ignored.

2) Be aware of jealousy. Genesis 30:1 - "When Rachel saw that she was not bearing Jacob any children, she became jealous of her sister. So she said to Jacob, 'Give me children or I will die!'" The argument that followed ended in an extramarital affair and heartbreak... and another delay in Rachel conceiving her own child.

3) Remember that God is all-powerful. Genesis 30:22 - "Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb."

Even when we take matters into our own hands, when we become impatient, when we rush to make decisions without knowledge but only faulty human emotions, God can fix all of the problems that arise. From both Sarah and Rachel we see two very clear examples of how NOT to wait. BUT, the good news is, that even though both women made mistakes in their times of waiting, their prayers were still heard by God and they were blessed with sons.

In your time of waiting, attempt to "wait well." Seek knowledge. Go to doctors. Pray. Take care of your health. Invest in your marriage. But also know that God has called you to a time of waiting. Try not to rush through it (I'm preaching to myself here). Look around. Don't be hasty. Learn the lesson God is teaching you and learn it well. Learn from other women how to wait, what to do in the meantime, and how to avoid their mistakes.

Most of all, take comfort that God loves you and hears you. Wait for Him.

It's Time to Talk about "It"

I never thought this would be my journey. I never thought I would wait so long to get married, only to have to wait again to become a mother.

I told myself, "You're a good person. You weren't sexually active until marriage. You don't do drugs. You're employed and stable. You're healthy. You're married to a good man. You're a good person. You deserve a baby."

Wrong.

I was so, so wrong. I am all of those things, but I was still asked to go on this journey. I selfishly prayed that God would not make me and my husband walk this road. I begged, pleaded, and tried to make a deal with God after the first month of trying to conceive was unsuccessful.

I was scared of this road. I saw what this journey of infertility had done to someone I love deeply. After almost four years of trying to conceive, I've watched her heart break numerous times; I watched her try to cope with little success, and I watched her isolate herself from family and friends because of her hurt and disappointment. I was terrified of being the same way if God asked me to face infertility.

Now that God has definitely asked us to face infertility after 12 months of trying to conceive, I choose to face this journey with HOPE and DIGNITY. I cannot change the plan for my life. I cannot make or earn a child. I can, however, be hopeful and advocate for my health and my husband's health. I can learn all I can about what we are facing and find a doctor who is supportive, knowledgeable, and wise.

No one knows why some of us face the journey of infertility. I have wasted countless hours comparing myself to friends, celebrities, strangers and wondering why they "got" a baby and my arms are still empty. I judge and make value statements about why some woman who is unmarried, unemployed, and uneducated "gets" a baby while good women like myself and women I love cry ourselves to sleep each month as proof appears that another month has gone by without our dreams coming true.

And that's when I heard God's voice like a quite, gentle whisper to my soul:

One month closer.

Each month that I lose hope, scream and yell at the Creator of the universe for disappointing me again, comfort myself with junk food or a glass of wine, or cry in my husband's arms, I choose to believe that I am one month closer. I am one month closer to my destiny, my dream, my purpose, my promise.

So, it's time to talk about it. I know that God has a plan and purpose for my life. I know that if His Will is for me to walk the road of infertility, He has an amazing end result. I realize (read dread) that the result will be that I may never be a mother. However, I also realize that it is my duty as a human, friend, sister, daughter, and woman to help others. I want to encourage other women who experience what I do, feel as I feel, hurt as I hurt, cry as I cry, and persist to dare to dream and hope each month. I want to be honest and open about my journey, as much as I feel is appropriate, so that in some small way other women and couples on this journey may be encouraged.

I won't be giving intimate details of my journey with doctors, appointments, or strategies to conceive. There are plenty of great blogs who give those details, as well as wonderful support groups and websites who offer support and resources. I want this to be more of an emotional support and outlet - for myself and for those of you who may read this. I want this blog to be a source of hope, peace, and encouragement no matter the end result of the journey.

Be encouraged, my fellow travelers. This road is hard, lonely, scary, disappointing, consuming, depressing, and something we wouldn't wish on our worst enemy. But we can cling to hope. We can make the conscious choice to be hopeful, happy, and joyful along the journey.